I’ve seen my share of prejudice being an african american woman married to a white man AND getting married at the age of 19. We get looks, speeches, and everything else you could think of because we’re young and can’t possibly know better. I’ve survived the past 10 years with minimal issues with both of those and hoped that by now… by 2013, most of the issues that we have hit would be over.
An example of the predudice? Well, a couple weeks after I got engaged I was working (I worked as a shift manager at a local pizza shop) and because we were short staffed, I was also ringing people out in the front. It wasn’t that busy so it wasn’t a big deal. This nice Christian guy came in and I took his order. We had a nice interaction until he saw the ring on my finger…
“You’re engaged?”
“Yes…”
“May I ask how old you are? Because you can possibly be that old.”
“I’m 19, not that it matters.”
“I think it does matter. I am 33 years old and I just got married last year. I waited for God to send me my wife and we made sure that it was the right thing for us. When I was 19, I was no where near ready to make the decision that I made last year and I don’t believe you are either. Did either of you talk to God about this? I think you should both go to counseling with your pastor before trying the knot.. or at least stay engaged for a couple of years.”
Yeah, I was totally in awe too. Why would anyone feel that its ok to tell someone they don’t even know that they aren’t ready for marriage? How would he know where our hearts are. I kept quiet, made his food, and thanked him for his business. I thought that was very big of me, to not make a big deal of it but I was pissed.
It didn’t change much once we had children. I was constantly being told what I should and shouldn’t do with my children. I was looked down upon because I was a young black woman pushing a stroller. Yes, I have always looked young but I really wish people wouldn’t assume that I was a teenage mother. What’s that saying? When you assume, you only make an a** out of you.. or something like that. Yup, people assumed a lot about me. But I pushed on and continue to raise my children trying to show them a world without color.
This past Friday is what made me think about writing this post. I was on my way to take my children out for dinner. It was rush hour so I took the highway so we wouldn’t be sitting in traffic for an hour just to make a 10 minute drive. I was exiting the highway at a place that the on-ramp and off-ramp are at the same place. I signaled, checked my blind spot and changed lanes. The person behind me thought that I should have let him pass first (even though I was clearly head of him). He pulled up next to me, yelled a racial slur, laughed then sped on. For a split second, I was about to change lanes, speed after him and let him have it. But I realized that it wouldn’t help me move on and it wasn’t something that would be good for my kids.
I worry about this world and what it will do to my kids. But I continue to raise them in a way that shows them that discrimination isn’t right. I was raised that way and it sucks that not everyone feels the way my family does about race, color, age and gender.
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