I knew this post would come at some point but I never knew it would come so soon. I had planned on pumping for a year at first… then my realistic goal was 9 months. Either way, I had planned on breastfeeding WAY longer than I had my first son. He and I only connected on that level for about 2 weeks.
The day I posted this post and its follow-up, it was a normal day for pumping for me. I had just finished working a 4 day week and was off for the next 2.5 days (I was working a 4-hour shift on Sunday). I cooked dinner like normal and went downstairs to the family room with my plate to pump while I ate. I do this often because its one of the only times I have a chance to pump while Noah is awake.
I hook everything up and turn on the pump. I barely got any suction. This had happened earlier in the week. I just let it run for a little while and it starts working. But about 20 minutes later, the suction hadn’t picked up. I started panicking. I was not prepared for a broken pump. I didn’t have an extra electric pump, I didn’t have a hand pump and I couldn’t hand express AT ALL. I thought about any extra options and realized I didn’t have any. My job didn’t give out “rental” pumps… I didn’t have any friends that live close that had a pump. I could breastfeed Noah the whole time I was off but my supply was already low so he’d breastfeed then I’d have to make him a bottle so he had enough to eat.
I decided to make the decision to stop pumping. It wasn’t an easy decision and it wasn’t just for me. Not only did I not have the money to buy a pump but I didn’t see a reason to buy another pump for maybe another month of pumping. And Yes my pump was under warranty but since the offices were already closed and the weekend was coming up, who knows when I’d get my replacement. This was something I needed to do. I was so tired of stressing about my supply.. and I had finally become ok with just being happy with whatever I got. I’m not saying that letting go was easy, because it was very hard and I cried like a baby. But it was what was needed.
It didn’t take long. Like I said, I had a low supply so I breastfed Noah whenever I felt “full” and by the time I returned to work on Monday, I was done. I cherished the last time Noah looked up at me while he ate. We still have frozen breastmilk and so does the babysitter. I’m sure he will have breastmilk until he’s 8 months old so I’m happy. I did the best I could and I will never forget the connection I have with my son because of the breastfeeding. I can’t wait to do it again… just not right now 😉
